I woke up at 4:30 am, this time determined to come out of the experience  with some words to go on. 

…and still nothing. I suppose a sort of brainstorming could help too. I am not particularly inspired but I am awake. I am not really full of ideas quite yet but I know I like to write and this already seems far better than trying to secret shop or deliver food.  I have some faith that if I do this I will at least wind up with an awful lot of something.

I have heard much about the anguish and mystery of not certain how to write everyday but honestly, it’s the more complained about writer’s block.

I could write about Tess. I could brainstorm topics. I could write about Mayhem, Inc. on a macro level or a micro aspect of it and another thing that will start happening are actual planning and outlines and regular sessions ONLY for brainstorming topics to keep writing on. I want to write about my top-secret nonprofit event I have had spinning around for many years. I have an exciting grant proposal to try to write. Maybe after doing this for awhile I can work on that some. I know five or six hours a day of writing a book seems like a lot but I might like working on the beginning bits. This can warm me up really well for some good blogs and research articles. I am still going through the building phase. It will be super interesting to see what book topic I want to focus on for so long. I feel like it should be obvious – a topic I know a lot about. A thing that doesn’t loose interest. 

There’s the mental health stuff. Where it meets spirituality and healing. I’m not feeling strong about being vulnerable all the time. I want to write about sex issues being a woman, how-tos on pushing through the medical insurance system, maybe make some cool white papers.  Also, I am pretty nauseous this morning. Hopefully, some medicine helps… which reminds me, I want to write marijuana reviews. I also want to write about access issues for the homeless, and about what it’s like to navigate the world with a physical disability. I may write some how-tos on medical cards and Medicaid. I may as well write about the crap I have to do every day. I NEED to write out my plans for this and that includes making time for it.

I want to talk about mental health and the medical establishment. I want to talk about misogyny and illness. I feel like such a fucking ray of sunshine. I need to know how I will structure my days so I actually get somewhere. I want to talk about what it’s been like to be treated. I also want to talk about how I constantly repeat myself. I love my plants. I’d love to talk about them. I can write about how I started writing by giving myself permission to write bad shit all the time.